Making It Better

Students often spend the beginning of the school year reviewing complete sentences and learning to organize their writing. As students’ confidence grows in these skills, it is time to help them learn to revise their writing – making it more interesting for the reader.

Sentence fluency and word choice are writing skills that must be specifically taught. We cannot merely tell students to “add more details” or “paint a picture with your words” and expect student writing to improve.  Students need specific strategies to help them improve their writing. The following is an engaging way for students to practice writing fluent sentences. This can be done with students in person, in a hybrid model, or fully on-line.

Choose a topic that is appropriate for the age of your students.  The topic should be broad enough that students can write 5-6 sentences which relate to the topic.  Examples include: holidays, parties, animals, curricular areas, etc. Students will expand these sentences by including a when, where, why or how to each basic sentence.   Be sure that students are only expected to add one item to a sentence at a time.

Basic Sentence #1:

A mouse ran.

Add a describing word – an adjective.

A brown mouse ran.

Add a where to the sentence.

A brown mouse ran across the grass.

Basic Sentence #2

A squirrel climbs.

Add a where to the sentence.

A squirrel climbs up the tree.

Add a why to the sentence.

A squirrel climbs up the tree to search for nuts.

Basic Sentence #3

A snake crawls.

Add a when to the sentence

Early in the morning a snake crawls.

Add a why to the sentence.

Early in the morning, a snake crawls to bask in a sunny spot.  

Some students may be ready to add a how to their sentence.  Words that describe how something happens are adverbs and go either before or after the verb.

Early in the morning, a snake slowly crawls to bask in a sunny spot.

Sentence #4

The bee flies.

Add a where to the sentence.

The bee flies to the flower.

Add a describing word that is not a size or color word (adjective)

The busy bee flies to the flower.

Add a why to the beginning of the sentence.

Looking for honey, the busy bee flies to the flower.

Continue with as many sentences as you would like.  Primary students can then edit these sentences, rewrite them on separate pieces of paper, and illustrate their sentences. The stretched sentences then follow, creating a book for young writers. Brainstorm with students a topic sentence that would help link the sentences together.  Complete the writing with a conclusion. For example:

My backyard is filled with different creatures.  A brown mouse ran across the grass.  A squirrel climbs up the tree looking for nuts. Early in the morning, a snake slowly crawls to bask in a sunny spot. Looking for honey, the bee flies to the flower. My back yard is a busy place.

Intermediate students can continue to add information and details to expand the one sentence into 4-5 sentences on the topic.

For example:

A brown mouse scurried across the green grass. Hiding behind a tall tree, the mouse carefully watched the neighbor’s cat sprint by and then come to a halt. The soft mouse quietly moved towards the open field hoping to avoid coming face to face with the feline who is searching the backyard for him. Slipping under the fence, the mouse picked up speed as he put space between him and his enemy until he knew he was out of danger.

As we enter the holiday season, students can write about their own holidays while practicing their sentence fluency. Imagine a holiday table which has been visited by some rather rambunctious guests and write a basic sentence.   

The turkey sat on the plate.

Follow the same procedure as above, adding descriptors to the basic sentence.

Sitting on the silver platter, the leftover turkey is laying in a forgotten puddle of gravy.

Repeat the process with the following sentences.

The mashed potatoes dripped.

After dripping down the side of the bowl like an avalanche, the mashed potatoes settled on the tablecloth and hardened into rocks.

The whipped cream melted.

The cranberry sauce spilled.

The sweet potatoes overflowed.

Students can compile their revised sentences into a piece of writing.  Introduce the writing by describing the festive table prior to dinner and then write a concluding sentence explaining the hosts’ reaction to dinner.

Examples:

Introduction:

Before the holiday dinner, the turkey was warm and the table was brighter than a knight in shining armor.  After dinner, the table looked completely different. 

Conclusion:

It took us hours to clean up the mess.  We are never inviting those people to dinner again!

Students will need continual practice in writing descriptive and fluent sentences. Bring this lesson out whenever you notice your students’ writing needs a spark!

Revision and Editing

Any job worth doing – no matter how big or how small – is worth doing well if worth doing at all.

While growing up, this phrase was my dad’s standard response whenever we complained about any job we were required to complete.  As an adult, this mantra has proven to be both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing, for if you’re going to embark on a task, it is part of a strong character to do your best.  A curse when I just want something to be finished and decide that good enough is good enough.

This phrase haunted me this summer as my husband and I embarked on a remodeling project.  He was in charge of the “big stuff,” such as cutting tile, hanging doors, and installing cabinets.  The progress he made each day was evident.  His projects resulted in, “Look, there’s a kitchen sink where there used to be a hole, and that doorway now has a door where there used to be an empty space.” His progress was grand and noticeable. 

I however, was in charge of grout (check out our earlier blog!), caulk and paint.  These tasks require a large amount of “touch-up”, fixing drips, missed spots, and rough edges. My progress was slow and meticulous and often focused on mistakes I had made. Trying to be helpful, my husband often pointed out the errors that needed to be fixed.  Overwhelmed, I announced to anyone that would listen that I planned to yell at the next person who used the phrase “touching up” with me.

While scraping the front door paint for the 5th time, I reflected how this process mirrors revision and editing in writing.  Revision consists of the big, flashy changes.  Sentences are rearranged, verbs are improved and adjectives are added. People notice revisions and they often leave the reader with a sense of accomplishment.  There is a feeling of satisfaction in looking at before and after, and seeing the improvement that’s been made.

Editing, however, is tedious and often completed when you feel like you are already finished.  Instead of making things better, editing often feels like we are fixing up mistakes we’ve made, a whole different perspective.  I am sure that many of my students could echo my feelings, “I’m going to yell at the next person who tells me to fix my writing.”

So, the question becomes how we can hold our students to a high editing standard without frustrating them? A few things come to mind . . .

1 – Take editing one step at a time. Students can focus on one editing area, whether it be capitalization or punctuation.  (writenow-rightnow.com)

2 – Teach students to use the resources they have around them to spell correctly.  How many words in your answer can you find in the question or the text if applicable?  We may not be able to spell the word from memory, but we can use the words around us to help us be better spellers!

3 – Create a safe place to edit.  No matter how lovingly, “You missed a spot” was uttered, at times it felt like criticism.  I’m sure my students feel the same way when they hear, “You forgot a capital letter.” Finding a time and place to have students correct editing errors is always a challenge.  I use a few minutes each morning to meet with students individually. 

4 – Prioritize corrections.  It is overwhelming when we are faced with a long list of “things to fix.”  How can I use my students’ individual needs to prioritize their editing tasks?

My touching up is complete, at least for now!  I must confess to a great feeling of accomplishment when I crossed the last goof off the list. While often frustrating, this experience has given me new insight into how my students might feel and react to directions. 

We’d love to hear from you.  What are some methods you’ve used to help your students both revise and edit their writing?